For many of us, couples counseling is a last ditch effort to save a relationship in trouble. What if the relationship is already over? Should you still consider looking for an Upper Valley counseling resource? When we posed this question to the therapists, the answer was a resounding, “Yes.” Here are a few of the reasons why.
Divorce is Difficult
Regardless of the circumstances of your divorce, hurt, misunderstanding and anger are usually experienced by both parties. Even when a divorce seemed inevitable–or perhaps it was the best course of action–you’re still severing a bond. Whenever such a bond is severed it’s very difficult to avoid triggering defensiveness. When this happens, you may interact with everyone around you defensively. This can lead to negative outcomes. Your co-workers, friends and new acquaintances may pick up on your tension and the distance you’re keeping from the world. It’s entirely understandable for those feelings to arise, but moving through your life with your defenses up can be stressful and isolating.
You’ve Made a Home
After a divorce, it can seem as though there is not enough room for both of you in your community. This is especially true in the Upper Valley; there are a limited number of places to go and people to meet. You may need to maintain relationships with your ex, the friends you shared, and the places you like to go. Reaching a feeling of equilibrium after the turbulence of divorce can help you continue the life you’ve built in your community without feeling like you have to constantly keep your guard up.
You may not want to jump into marriage or a long term relationship right away. That’s understandable. At some point in the future, you may want to meet someone new, date, or find companionship. Regardless of how much time you give yourself to get over the marriage, you may find that old issues resurface when you’re making a connection with someone new. If you find yourself moving away from a relationship, why not spend some time exploring the reasons that relationships haven’t succeeded? When you’re ready for a new connection, gaining awareness of old patterns and habits can help you forge new, meaningful relationships.
The therapists at Vermont Talk Therapy want to help as you transition out of the past. They can help you work toward the future. If you think finding an Upper Valley counseling partner might help you right now, get in touch. We’re ready to discuss the process, answer specific questions, and help you decide whether talk therapy is right for you.